When things get difficult my personal default is to blame me first and then work towards averting the deep want to blame everyone and everything outside of myself and rage against the injustice of what is being done.
This pattern, which I know is not just mine alone, keeps me firmly ensconced in the victim state, which according to Stephen Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) society is addicted to.
“Wherever you find a problem, you will usually find the finger-pointing of blame. Society is addicted to playing the victim.” Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
We call it ‘buck passing’ and we see it in all variations of size and scale from the child blaming the parent for something that’s gone wrong to governments sidestepping responsibility for addressing big issues.
Personally, I think I’ve convinced myself, over a lifetime of this habit, that the ‘blame’ state gives me a sense of control over things I mostly have no control over – that the righteous blame somehow puts me back in the driver’s seat of my life… but I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t… and in actual fact is a handing over of power (the victim) via the elimination of responsibility.
“Blame is the demonstrated lack of self-respect choosing to deposit one’s negative actions onto others to reinforce one’s view of being of good, fair, and approved. Byron R. Pulsifer
In actuality it may not be the blame itself that is the issue – but the behaviors that follow the state blame activates… blaming pulls us out of our capacity to be self aware, empathetic, solution oriented, compassionate, reflective and growth minded.
One of the primary antidotes to blame is deep reflection and embracing failure and setbacks as opportunities for learning and improvement. In cultures (and people) that have little appetite for failure this can be one of the most challenging things to do.
If you find yourself defaulting to blame on a regular basis, whether internal or external, see it as a call to action for acceptance of responsibility and for clean communication. Create or find yourself safe spaces where you can engage in honest communication to express feelings and concerns and reflect on the lessons learned in the process. It’s important, as always, in this human experience to hold deep compassion and treat yourself and others with kindness – recognising everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges.
Gentleness is the key here – harsh self-judgment helps no one.
I have shared an Energy Reading & Healing on the subject of Blame if you feel you could use some support in this area and you can listen to it FREE HERE
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