I’ve been exploring the pain of betrayal in the energy readings and healings that I’ve been doing lately and really seeing the small betrayals we carry out almost daily on ourselves in the form of broken promises, incompletion, living less than we expect of ourselves and from what I can tell, most of this behavior stems from the largest cultural betrayal we are experiencing now – which is that we are separate from nature and therefore – each other.
The word betrayal comes from the early 13C – bitraien which means to prove false, violate by unfaithfulness or to mislead, deceive and delude” https://www.etymonline.com/word/betray
The lost belief in trustworthiness of self or others can come as a result of innocence stolen at a young age or where you have been exposed to inconsistent authority figure/s (where they say one thing and do another.. explore my thoughts on that in this post HERE)… it can happen at once – as in a traumatic impactful incident or can be eroded over time.
And the insidious thing about this lack of belief is that it becomes so familiar to us that we don’t even realise we don’t trust anyone anymore..
We are often convinced, in fact, that we are VERY trusting and trustworthy and have lots of evidence to prove that right… but our actions (betrayals of self) do not mirror our convincing thoughts about this.
The antithesis of betrayal is faith and trust and in order to cultivate both faith and trust, we must first understand what it is that we believe – uncover those hidden beliefs that are either untrustworthy OR are as blatant as ‘I don’t trust’.
In order to understand what we believe we must dig deep into our psyche to extract the truth…not the things we believe that are mired in the layers of other people’s stories that we’ve been primed with for generations, but the REAL truth of what WE believe at our core.
This isn’t always easy to do in the noise and haste of our current life, however it is necessary for the result of betrayal is the denial of trust and it’s a slippery slope to victimhood and a life of despair when you can no longer trust… anyone or anything including yourself.
I have found the quickest way to knowing the truth of the psyche is through the words we use everyday – our language will easily betray our true belief.
If we are using, for example, words like ‘hard’ we have a belief that ‘life is hard’ (I am of course simplifying for the purposes of this post.. it’s more nuanced than that) or if we use phrases like ‘it’s easier if I do it all myself’ we lack trust.. We believe others are not trustworthy to carry out our tasks…
So pay attention to the words you use and CATCH yourself when you say something that doesn’t feel quite right for you.. It’s a clue to your inner workings.
So after you’ve uncovered the TRUTH – how do you find your way back to the belief of trust?
I think it’s a two step, multilayered approach.
- Return to safety through understanding
- Recode the belief
I’d like to show an example of this through what I call – The Experiment of The Hairy Leg!
I did an experiment on myself that lasted several years whereby I decided I would not shave or wax my legs unless it was truly ME, unencumbered by societal pressures or acting for the needs of others or the impulse to do something because it was the right thing to do (as a woman!), who was taking the action.
There were many impulses along the way to shave or wax, especially in summertime when my legs are most exposed to the light of day – and, even more so when I was to be spending time with people whose opinions matter to me – my family and friends..
But each time I would feel the impulse to take action I would check myself and ask – who’s impulse is this?
For what reason do you desire this?
And each time I couldn’t be sure…. I was either trying to avoid something (judgment) or get something (approval) rather than it being an experience I was desirous of… simply for the experience itself.
And then one day… I had the impulse to book an appointment to get my legs waxed – but this time it felt different… there was an excitement and an enthusiasm to feel the sensation of smooth and supple legs – to have the feeling of putting cream on them and seeing them glow (white.. Because damn.. My legs are WHITE!) in the nourishment from the moisture and to tend to my body in a way that I typically don’t when my legs are hairy.
And so I went…. And it was glorious!
And the hairs grew back… and I’ve not done it since… as I now know that the impulse must find ME and be true to ME and then I can act…. Because then – and only then, am I not betraying myself with some false action that comes from some other conditioning that has long lost its resonance with my being.
It seems like a small thing – however this experiment showed me that from a place of true understanding of myself I can return to being SAFE.. to being able to both trust my impulses and my ability to act from alignment (not conditioning) and this act, when applied across all areas of my life, has a really positive effect.. In amplifying trust!
So what does it take to RECODE trust?
I believe it’s small increment of trustworthy behavior… cultivated over time. For example this might look like doing what you said you’d do (for yourself), deepening your understanding of what is truly true for you or simply showing yourself you are trustworthy.
I heard it expressed recently by Dr Karen O’brien on the Regennarration Podcast as ‘“Fractals of change that can scale” and I really loved it
Recoding for trust means no longer lying to yourself or holding false narratives as true or not paying enough attention to the silent killer in your mind that you’ve believed too long…
If you’d like help to uncover your hidden beliefs that are leading to your betrayal of self – please book in for a free 30 min belief de-coding call and I’ll happily uncover a belief that’s currently limiting your life to help you transmute it!