“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go” Rumi
I have a confession which for those who know me will be unsurprising.
I like to be ‘in control’ in my life.
I like to know what I’m doing, I like to have a plan, I’m a big fan of lists and I’m efficient and can achieve more in a day than many people would fit in a week. I always have a multitude of projects on the go and my thinking is generally a decade ahead of the current culture so I am strategic and often working in the future!
I’m hardwired for doing.
I love it, it’s part of my joy and satisfaction in life. It’s part of the game I find fun and exhilarating. I love learning new things and applying them and seeing what happens. I enjoy taking responsibility and making things happen – especially when it provides service and support to others and I definitely love living on the edge of creation… I have a book full of ideas and a deep desire for all of them to come to life and I know I can DO it…
I can’t imagine not doing….
Can you relate?
But, I’m also wired for the suffering story about all that doing and I can recall this suffering as far back as my memory will take me (why am I the only one who has to do chores while everyone else plays??? ) and this often causes me conflict internally and raises challenging emotions inside of me (anger, resentment, shame, frustration) that can, if allowed, create control spirals..where the need to be ‘in control’ becomes more overt and tighter and tighter and this is when control now becomes a trap and restricts freedom.
Can you relate?
The one key thing I’ve learned is that this is just one version of control.
The other is the control required to let go and handover control.
I started practicing this art many years ago when I acquired a gorgeous OWL jar… it sits behind me in all my videos, next time you watch, keep an eye out for it.
When I felt out of ‘control’ in my life – when things weren’t going my way or I was in the suffering spiral or when I felt like I was losing control of a situation (mostly when people or money weren’t doing exactly what I wanted or needed them to do) I would write it down on a piece of paper, including what I wanted to happen, what I was overwhelmed by and what my need was. I would breathe into it until I felt my nervous system settle and I would fold it up and put it inside the OWL asking it to bless this thing. I would let the OWL know I was handing it over to it and I was no longer the one responsible for making this happen.. I was done. I would mean it and I would release it, shake my body and .. move on.
What this required was high degrees of TRUST in someone or something outside of myself.
I had to LET GO at a cellular level and give up CONTROL.
And it was a practice that took time and, well… practice!
I remember quite a few times pulling old notes out of the OWL and getting really annoyed that it wasn’t ‘done’.. And forgetting that what the process allowed for was LETTING GO which activated a whole new emotion (of not being alone, of being supported, of letting someone else take the reins for a bit) which allowed me to move into a different state of being and get on with it.
It was designed to activate the art of RECEIVERSHIP which is the complementary opposite of DOERSHIP
This way of control allows for more ease and grace and FLOW in life..the other way is just bloody hard because we realise… the only thing we CAN actually control is our response to life.
“The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it.
“Eventually you will see that the real cause of the problem is not life itself. It’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems.” Michael Singer Untethered Soul
To live at ‘cause’ we believe we need to be in control… the thinking is ‘If I don’t do it, it won’t happen’… which is the trickster ego convincing us that we have to control and do everything… However, this narrow perspective actually becomes a trap in which we actually end up operating at ‘affect’ because we are acting only in a masculine doership model and have shut down to the feminine receivership.
We need both. Doing AND Receiving.
As Rumi implies, we need to both be in control and out of control… it’s a dance between doing and receiving.
As I’ve become better at this other way of control (letting go) my life is still full of doing… but it’s not from a place of FEAR of losing control, but rather from the impulse of LIFE.. from an OPENNESS to RECEIVE. I TRUST that my needs are met, I BELIEVE in a force greater than me that guides and provides and I know I have zero control and that gives me total control!
If this is something you need support unpacking please check out the latest Energy Reading & Healing I did – For the Fear Of Losing Control or book in a personalised energy reading and healing or join me for fortnightly session and an incredibly supportive group of women who are all agents for change in whyldwomen.com OR reach out hello@rebelblack.com to explore in what other ways I can support you! You can read more about other work I do at www.therwcollection.com
